CN: Vulnerability ahead!
It’s been quite a long time, but I am happy to announce that I’ve returned. As some of you may already know from watching my social media accounts, I am a grad student and I live with chronic illness. Grad school is overwhelming as it is, but add in illness to the mix and good luck if you can keep up with anything. Fortunately, I have had the opportunity to slow down for a little while and practice good self-care, which for me includes doing the work that energizes me. So here I am, back in action.
As a way to get myself back into the swing of things, I am participating in NaBloPoMo (Unofficially. I don’t plan to register anywhere. This is for me and you, dear readers). I am doing better, but not back to 100% yet. So I am setting my daily goal at a very modest 300-word-per-day sex tip or thought provocation. My hope is that I will always beat my goal, but at least this way I can ensure I will at least make it every day. Something else that keeps me from writing as often as I’d like is concern over typos and grammatical errors. I will stare at a Tweet for an hour until I’m sure it’s well-written. So, as a way to ensure my writing ends up in the world, I plan to post whether I have time to edit to my liking or not. Please be kind about this.
This leads me to my tip for the day: If you’re going to be goal oriented, set attainable goals. In a world where we see acrobatic positions, penises that can stay erect for hours, and vaginas that squirt multiple feet of fluid in porn, it’s easy to set our sexual goals unreasonably high. While I believe that sex should be more about enjoying the journey than accomplishing goals, if you really have your heart set on something, at least make sure your goal is attainable.
Break your goal down into smaller, more manageable pieces. For example, if your goal is to have an orgasm during partnered sex, look at all the steps that really go into making that happen. Maybe tonight the goal could be figuring out what your body responds to most. To obtain this goal, you could masturbate and take mental notes of what felt really good, what felt less good, and if you do have an orgasm, what you were doing just before you got there. Your next goal could be to communicate those needs to a partner. Show them your notes or turn it into dirty talk and tell them what you want them to do to you. The next goal could be to try those moves out together; keeping note of when things don’t feel right or aren’t exactly what you expected. That way you can modify next time. Remember, sometimes it takes a lot of tries to get your bedroom game where you want it to be. Just keep an open mind, remember that goals aren’t the most important part of sex, and have fun!